just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
