Dude my mom stole all your condoms
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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