I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
