All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
