there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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