I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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