i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
