I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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