at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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