you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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