i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize