Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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