dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
