Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
