Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
