thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
