I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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