so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
