conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize