I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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