I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
