I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize