My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
