Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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