i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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