The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
