if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
