Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize