Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
