I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
