You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
