i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
