Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
