i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize