How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
