can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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