She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
