Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
