I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I miss vodka workout Fridays
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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