So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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