i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
