..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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