I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
