i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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