Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
