i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
