I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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