Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
