You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
