I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
