opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
