CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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