woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
