You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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