i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize