Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
