Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
