kristin has been a bad kristin
Say something about gay babies.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
