I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize