so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
