We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
