I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
