he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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