it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
