Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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