Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
