I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
