dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love having hate sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
