the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize