I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
