At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
