Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
