No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
