i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't put those talents on a resume
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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