just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
