Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
