Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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