Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
