I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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