Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
