Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
