he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
