can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
