Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
