Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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