This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
