Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
